Word of the day: Stockholm Syndrome

One day i was talking to Chris during my abusive with Corey. I can’t remember if it was by text or a call but he told me these word i had no idea what it meant. I know now as i keep missing him.

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Stockholm Syndrome

Its a proposed condition or theory that tries to explain why hostages sometimes develop a psychological bond with their captors. It is supposed to result from a rather specific set of circumstances, namely the power imbalances contained in hostage-taking, kidnapping, and abusive relationships.

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Since Corey died, I wasn’t able to understand or live without him. We married on 4.20.2020 trying to hold our relationship after losing our children. We didn’t really lose them but they couldn’t come home after the city was shut down due to covid and now one would help us get out or get them home. Corey and i were already fighting… more him then me. We even stop going to church and grow in our addiction to trying to stay alive. We both were becoming mentally unstable and we plan to go in the hostipal together.

Corey wouldn’t go and even tried to convince me if i went and got better he would follow me. I attempted to ask his father for help but his family were done helping.

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I feel Corey and i have an psychological bond because we were in an abusive relationship however his was physical while mine was selfish.

I will admit when he found me i was very damage from my relationship with Robert. It wasn’t physical but mentally draining that i would wake up screaming crying over it all. Corey taught me as i went looking god how to heal from it. He taught me how if we dont run to sex we would learn to love each other better. He told me he learn this in prison while he was studying magic with a groups of people. But i was without my children in a summer and it made me alone. It’s crazy now to explain how Corey was just working and I wasn’t able to get a job yet. I went to another for that high but couldn’t. Instead i ran to Corey asking for forgiveness and beg him to help me love him again.

Instead he grow physically with me in return by announcing to his family of my failure which in return i attempts to end my life. He then tells my family which didn’t help but made me more depress to the point i wonder if this is my punishment from god.

Once the children were gone From our home then it just grow darker that its hard to recall a lot what happen.

I don’t remember what would start it but I do recall the end when he would love me again. It would happen so often i believed this is my life since i fail my husband. However he attempted to kill me by using the gutair to broke my neck. I woke up and stood up even tho he is hitting me. He throws me over the couch and i stood up then ask “are you done yet”. He punched my stomach and i felt the wind taken out of me. I raised my hand and ask him to wait then i saw his eyes change. He step back lost and said sorry as he walk out the door. His mother told me he went to her explaining to all. But he return home and i was still in love with him.

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This is an example of the theory why i am still stuffering with this lost. Even tho he is gone i still miss him and can’t find anymore who will match his love. But i understand now..

-cattchope