American 3.14

On the 1st day returning home after my failed marriage I only remember watching tv and smoking trying not to cry because it still hurt. The pain and nightmare were not done from my mind of what happened between me and the man I deeply loved.

When we meet we were both ready to take on the world as new people. We both were in a relationship and can say we weren't the perfect person. We even both had 2 children who were the same age. We started to feel it was a match made by the gods we pray so long that we pray it high to the moon. Our answers or prayer you can say were answers from god on the forgiveness of our sins. We wanted to start fresh mind and spirit away(aware) of the consciences of our actions and cherish our 2nd chance for a Familia. This should help the lost souls who question why I would let in my dear friend if he asked for help & listen to his cry to understand. I understand I lost my husband due to the selfish act I did giving in to myself.

But I no longer regret it when I know I am cool.

He would tell me when we argue about a word I can embarrassingly don't know the word speculation or even how to spell it

My mind was always telling me a story to ease my life as a child. My childhood was not for what I saw but how I process it through my mental breakup with what just happened. As a child from the hood, I can say my school help the most with my guide to becoming blinded by the truth. At a young age we were told to mind our own business on our questions about life then were told we (our people) put ourselves in these living situations. I found it outrageous but keep my silence through all the arguments until you lied when I have the proof in my hand.

Our future studies were written down in books explaining actions but how would it be with the thoughts of those forefathers? For example, I'm sure we can all say a hidden lie is better than a boom 💥 into the burning truth. Some people already have thought out both sides Incase their partner turns on them which we have all been on both sides. I was that partner that told me too much which would lead me into a toxic habit of discord.

My first mentor was my choir teacher who look a lot like the women in the sister act. She had big hair and a lovely personality just like Whoopi Goldberg played in the character. I believe this is why I run to this movie when I am in my depressed stage and even though out my issue inside of running into the next problems. She teaches me how to be myself and not be scared with my voice.

So through my journal, I wrote every day to my dear friend Alex to help myself even to this day to manage & understanding. Alex push me to go to auditions like for PBS and I believe it was Barney. Because she always made this joke about Selena telling everyone she was in Barney so she would say that too or I think Demi I don't remember I just know that she would mimic them or mock them and it would be so cute because she wanted to be the next Selena.

We only were able to go to concerts like Britney Spears & model for Her Profile because her sister Crystal was studying in an actual college that was mixed-race. Alex would say things I had no idea what she was saying because she spoke like a British person where I feel I'm in another world lol you can say. Because A movie trip for me didn't happen until I was watching Lord of the Rings Return of the King with the Jandy Family. And Alex explain it to me before she died at only 12 to a couch I never understood HOW if she was So beautiful and SO perfect at singing like demi & Selena why did they forget ALEX! when she tried so hard to be what they say is a perfect white child. She would always say it's cuz of our last name it's holding us back from where we can succeed & it's interesting. How everyone complains & has a reason to break the law well FUCK it NA Trumpet cuz I'm a white mother Named Elizabeth with a mother named Lisa with a Z as a father who is Micheal but A before E as my son is Chris & my daughter is Emily but did we forget about DEMI cuz I built this website for him not COREY SORRY ASS of a monkey is what I'm telling all u niggas and this is my website welcome u low life.... lol

cuz I used my trump dollars and I'm sure once I un ghetto my plans the money will be rolling in u sorry niggas cuz I was taught well by a women name Carolina when she told me in a mothering tone "what is a monkey?" because I believe in standing up for the weak or maybe blind who were lead by stupid like my nephew CASS who is 5 that if he wanted he would live here with me like my other children well all while my family gets their shit together cuz why not!!!! give the children a chance to live in san Antonio to build her knowledge with me and my friend Corey is what I told him & Ella his monkey & chaos with a K & uncle T that I'm Mother fucking Ketchup from the oak cliff and this is my gun *bang* which can be ***slap crackle **and **POP** u dumb asses who all stole my things and money...

"Karma isn't the answer but the reason for my HOPE for Mother renewal in Earthbound New Horizon"